OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
