Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
