Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
