either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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