so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
