I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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