This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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