No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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