Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
