just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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