You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
