Betty ford says i'm here all night
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My vagina is officially offended.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
