Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
