literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
