Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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