Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
