You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
