He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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