So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
