He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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