I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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