Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
BRING THE BAGELS
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