She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
