They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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