Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
