How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
