I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Sorry my hands just texted you
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize