She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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