Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
