His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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