yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
