"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
