I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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