i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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