Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
