oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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