I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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