I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
