I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
