it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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