i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
