I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
