btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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