She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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