That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
