I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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