i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
