I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Someone shit on the floor
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
