FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
