google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
