I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You can't just leave with hair like that
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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