He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
