Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
