You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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