as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
