Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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