If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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