once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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