my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
