I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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