new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
