i don't like sucking hair
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
