I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I need a burrito and a hug.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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