first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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