Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
