Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
