You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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