I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize