im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
